car singing

     This morning, on my way to school, I was doing my usual crooning along with whatever happened to be playing over the stereo from my mp3 player. I love singing in the car. The enclosed space provides nearly shower-like acoustics--plus the stereo, and minus the unwanted audience. Never mind the fact that when I really get into it, I become a hazard to everyone around me. It's a good thing my drive to school is all rural roads.
     Sometimes, I'll turn the stereo down so it's just loud enough to hear the vocals, and quiet enough to hear myself sing. Usually, I'm nearer baying hound hot on a coon trail than masterful vocalist, but I do what I can. Today, I challenged myself to stay as near as possible to the pitch of the playing artist as I could for three songs, and critique my results. Liken it to doing vocals for Rock Band, except you give yourself a score.
     First up was "Poison and Wine" by the Civil Wars (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfzRlcnq_c0). It's a duet, so I played the part of John Paul White. I'm no Joy Williams. Not really much of a John Paul White either, but his is the easier part of the harmony. I had to say I didn't do too badly. My voice only cracked into a prepubescent falsetto once or twice! Anybody who has heard me sing knows what I'm talking about.
     Next up was "Would You Go With Me" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AST8fosZHQ) by Josh Turner. I nearly giggled when I heard him strum the opening chords. This was going to be fun. And fun it was. His looooow voice is so much fun to imitate. Again, I held together reasonably well.
     Brimming with confidence, I waited for the final song to be queued up. I was feeling pretty untouchable. You can only imagine my horror when the song "This Ain't Goodbye" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHdgN8t_EYw) by Train came up.
    You win, Pat Monahan. You win.

thoughts on writing and being a writer

Recently, I've been thinking about abilities as a writer; abilities I've been told I have, but abilities I've been reluctant to share with many people. From what little people have read, I've garnered positive reviews. I'm told I have the ability to express my thoughts in a way that's honest, introspective, and interesting to read. It seems, though, that no matter how much I might hear this, it's not enough to shake a deep-rooted insecurity. Already, I'm uncomfortable with the number of times I've used the pronoun "I". Recently,  I've -- and there it is again -- put a lot of thought into what writing means to me; specifically, what I want my writing to accomplish. Primarily, writing for me has always been about expressing the various rumblings that occur in my head over the course of a day. These aren't things that can be orated as I think them, because often I go back and forth thinking about any issues of substance. At the same time, I don't want my writing to be manipulated in a clever way that pleases the reader, but doesn't reflect what I truly think. For this reason, I've come to detest the writing class I'm taking this semester. It's a literary journalism course, which essentially often involves the author working in personal views and accounts while relaying a journalistic story. Literary journalism isn't as afraid of peronal bias as other forms of journalism. What the professor expects from me, however, doesn't jive with my particular worldview, both Christian and the other lenses through which I perceive life. I feel like I'm being forced to produce writing that fits his particular mold. No, I haven't openly denied my faith in my writing but at the same time, I'm not comfortable with the amount I've acknowledged God's hand in the various works I've produced. I've also been told to think about producing work for various publications such as Perspective, Clarion and Roadside Assistance. I couldn't count the number of times I've had thoughts of doing so, writing whole pieces in my head, but in the end, being too afraid to put it on paper. If I did that, I would be opening up the nakedest and most honest of my thoughts up for criticism and ridicule. Even if what I write is as objective and removed from the self as much as possible, it still reflects the most honest and thought out of thoughts. I'm looking to get around this fear, and this blog is a first step in doing so. Whether I consistently use this as a means of overcoming this fear remains to be seen. For now, I just wanted a way of sharing my thoughts with a few people, and not, for instance, the entire facebook world. Please, though don't use my fears as an excuse not to constructively criticize, as I'm realizing that my fears have probably robbed me of valuable peer review. Also, please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors. In usual fashion, I haven't proofread any of this.

*props to JL for getting me thinking