One of the things that has been occupying my thoughts, tangled as they are, of late, is the notion of providence. The thought that we've been brought to this point, this day, this home, to these parents, this line of work, built relationships with some and drifted away from others, all for a purpose--His purpose.
I dare say everybody remembers points in their lives that they can readily identify as pivotal in bringing them to the point they're at today. If you're anything like me, it mostly boils down to just one, and though the memories have faded a little, I remember most of it clearly. I was fourteen, and was in the library of my school, in Neerlandia, Alberta. I was browsing titles, when the secretary approached and said, with a noticable shake, "Brian, you need to come to the office". For fourteen year-old me, this came as a shock, my anxiety heightened by the fact that the principal also happened to be my dad. Somberly, I followed, wondering what I had done this time.
All of that vanished when I saw my dad through his office window. Instantly, I knew something was wrong. I'm going to spare the emotional details, but that was when I found out that my uncle, my dad's youngest brother, had passed away in a farming accident. My uncle, only 21 years old, only seven years separating him and me.
That was the second death that had really hit me. The first had happened only a few months earlier, when our family friends' daughter was also taken in a tragic farming accident at only three years old. They both hit me--hard. At the time, the only question that seemed plausible to ask was "why?"
It would be somewhat self-centred, and untrue, to say that these events occurred solely to lead my life down the path its taken me. They've altered others' lives as well. For me, though, came dramatic and swift change. I went from being a fourteen year old kid growing up in small-town northern alberta, to a fourteen year old kid, thrust into the Fraser Valley, moving onto the farm that my uncle had dreams of taking over from my grandparents. It's changed me. For one, living here has forced me to broaden my social horizons beyond that of a small-town Prairie kid. Some of it still remains, but, believe it or not, I was actually quite shy and reserved at one point. Since the move, I've made so many desicions that I can't help think would have been much different had I still been living in Alberta.
...which brings me to today. I was in my car--really, the place where I get most of my quality pondering done--when I realized how fourteen year old me would have laughed in my own face had I told myself I would be where I am today: twenty-two, engaged to this amazing girl, surrounded by amazing family--parents, sisters, brother, and grandparents whom I've had the opportunity to get much closer to--, finished my ENGLISH degree, and entering the teaching program. But it seldom happens where fourteen year old us can accurately predict where twenty-two year old us will be; or twenty-two year old us do the same for future us. And here I sit, making plans for the future: getting married, starting a career and a family; it's intimidating and exciting all at once. Yet, now I know full well that at any moment, our providential God could take my life and send it down a path twenty-two year old my would never see coming. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
--Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? -Matthew 6:25-27
--For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. -Jeremiah 29: 11-12
