Recently, I've been thinking about abilities as a writer; abilities I've been told I have, but abilities I've been reluctant to share with many people. From what little people have read, I've garnered positive reviews. I'm told I have the ability to express my thoughts in a way that's honest, introspective, and interesting to read. It seems, though, that no matter how much I might hear this, it's not enough to shake a deep-rooted insecurity. Already, I'm uncomfortable with the number of times I've used the pronoun "I". Recently, I've -- and there it is again -- put a lot of thought into what writing means to me; specifically, what I want my writing to accomplish. Primarily, writing for me has always been about expressing the various rumblings that occur in my head over the course of a day. These aren't things that can be orated as I think them, because often I go back and forth thinking about any issues of substance. At the same time, I don't want my writing to be manipulated in a clever way that pleases the reader, but doesn't reflect what I truly think. For this reason, I've come to detest the writing class I'm taking this semester. It's a literary journalism course, which essentially often involves the author working in personal views and accounts while relaying a journalistic story. Literary journalism isn't as afraid of peronal bias as other forms of journalism. What the professor expects from me, however, doesn't jive with my particular worldview, both Christian and the other lenses through which I perceive life. I feel like I'm being forced to produce writing that fits his particular mold. No, I haven't openly denied my faith in my writing but at the same time, I'm not comfortable with the amount I've acknowledged God's hand in the various works I've produced. I've also been told to think about producing work for various publications such as Perspective, Clarion and Roadside Assistance. I couldn't count the number of times I've had thoughts of doing so, writing whole pieces in my head, but in the end, being too afraid to put it on paper. If I did that, I would be opening up the nakedest and most honest of my thoughts up for criticism and ridicule. Even if what I write is as objective and removed from the self as much as possible, it still reflects the most honest and thought out of thoughts. I'm looking to get around this fear, and this blog is a first step in doing so. Whether I consistently use this as a means of overcoming this fear remains to be seen. For now, I just wanted a way of sharing my thoughts with a few people, and not, for instance, the entire facebook world. Please, though don't use my fears as an excuse not to constructively criticize, as I'm realizing that my fears have probably robbed me of valuable peer review. Also, please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors. In usual fashion, I haven't proofread any of this.
*props to JL for getting me thinking
darn... there's no "like" button like on facebook :)
ReplyDeletewell I'm glad "JL" (whoever that is :P) got you thinking!
Love it. Love it. Love it. I love any expression of thought though and my english skills aren't the "bomb-diggity" so as far as critiquing (sp?) goes, not the right guy to ask. Maybe splitting it into more than 1 paragraph would be my only critique ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't think any writer really gets over their insecurity about their work. At least, I certainly haven't yet, and I've been tentatively showing people my writing for the last four years. Even when I'm sending pieces to someone who's been reading my writing for the entire four years I feel apprehensive.
ReplyDeleteAnd secular professors really aren't the best judges. The only one you need to make happy is God. :)
you should write for perspective.
ReplyDeleteand so shawn - anyone who can slip "bomb-diggity" into a sentence seamlessly has got skills.
"...being too afraid to put it on paper. If I did that, I would be opening up the nakedest and most honest of my thoughts up for criticism and ridicule..."
ReplyDeleteThe American poet Alfred Lord Tennyson very wisely once said: "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." There is a message in this quote for you as it pertains to the question of whether or not you should write and publish something.
Sometimes you just need to put yourself out there. This is necessarily part of developing deep, meaningful loving relationships, but it is also necessary in order for you to develop your abilities as a writer to that next level which you are looking to reach. In other words, my advice to you is:
"Better to have written and published a work that was heavily criticized, then never to have written or published a work at all."
Oh, and one more thing. Always proofread :) Even the best writer should proofread his/her own works.
@Jason, I believe Tennyson was English.
ReplyDeleteI always feel I should say something to those who aren't confident in their writing, music, art, or anything. But the only thing I can ever think of saying to them is "be confident".
Really, what a useless bit of encouragement, but what can I say?
So Brian... be confident. I can see that you're a good writer, no matter how many times you use the word "I".